Yes, it's TRUE:
Here's my entry for the annual Cordon Bleu "Make the Perfect Crepe!" contest.
Beautiful, isn't it!
As you can see, I've come a long way since 1997, when I first began taking "Cordon Bleu for Dummies'" introductory course on "How to Make the Perfect Crepe."
THIS year, in fact, I went Whole Hog, by God! I used my Bisquick Pancake & Waffle recipe, and to show those Fancy Pants Chefs down by the Left Bank how daringly imaginative I am in the kitchen, I threw a can of DelMonte® Fire-Roasted Corn Blend into the bowl!
(Incredible! I'm salivating even as I struggle to adquately describe to you my
award-winning -- I hope; I believe in miracles -- entry!
Then again, truth be told, I've taken that course not once but more than a dozen times. I don't quit easily when I'm on the Cusp of Greatness -- the very same cusp I've been on for more than two decades now.
Incidentally, I don't know what the hell they mean, but they keep telling me --
less-and-less politely, in a tiny, hard-to-read text message -- that I'm "not really ready to receive their prestigious Certificate of Accomplishment from the Crepe Makers of America Institute."
Oh, well. Maybe NEXT year...
PS: You may contact me at www.artsaplenty.me if you'd like an autographed copy of my world-renowned Top Secret Recipe for Making the Perfect Crepe! Only $17.95 or (HEY: I'm not independently wealthy!) $29.95 for the annotated, laminated, spill-proof version -- the one with all the actual ingredients, more or less correctly measured for Guaranteed Perfection).
NOTICE: See your personal physician for reassurance that the contents of Chef Bachelder's recipe are healthy enough for human consumption.*
* My God! Why does the FDA require things like this? I mean, Don't they know who I AM??? Come on' now! I'm EASILY as brilliant a CHEF as TRUMP is a brilliant BUSINESSMAN!
Ask JIULIANI!
-- Ross Alan Bachelder, www.artsaplenty.me
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